Sunday, December 14, 2008

Giving

Recovering from shingles. The blotches are still present and the pain is still lingering, but I feel better. Both mentally and physically. I had my creatinine checked last monday to make sure that it didn't affect my kidney function and the level actually went down (which is good). I let out a huge sigh of relief upon hearing that information. No matter what, I will always have that slightly paranoid and cautious thought process when it comes to my health.

In other news, I am poor. Shocking, I know. I am not poor to the point where I struggle to put food on the table or can't afford to put gas in my car, don't get me wrong. However, since it is the holiday season, I can't help but feel even more disheartened about financial matters. I love giving. There is no better feeling than picking out the perfect gift for a loved one and watching them open it. Not being able to do this absolutely crushes me and leaves me feeling a little embarrassed as well. Sigh, and unfortunately, I have stubborn family members who, against my wishes, are still getting me a gift. I know their hearts are in the right places, but I just feel foolish showing up empty handed and leaving with my arms full. This has probably been the worst Christmas for me financially. Usually, I am at least able to afford getting something small for my nieces and nephews and I just don't even see that happening this year. :(
I am not completely feeling like a failure though. I am trying to think of creative homemade things that I can do for people that are super cheap, if not free. So, if anyone has any ideas, feel free to let me know! : )

Thursday, December 4, 2008

Shingle all the way...

Last Tuesday I found a red spot on my side, no biggie.. just a little red pimply thing. Me, being the sickly person I am, was a little paranoid. Wednesday rolls along and my one red dot manifested into one large welt like thing, and several red dots in a separate area. Since Thanksgiving was the next day, I decided I had better get it checked out asap. Honestly, this story could be two sentences and be over with and you would get the jist of everything. However, I feel like I need to reiterate to the non-believers of the world.... that everything really does happen for a reason.
(Keep in mind that I am in Turtle Lake at this point at my mom's)
Medical chain of events happen like so, continuing from Wednesday.
I call my sister at the Rice Lake clinic (30ish miles away), explain what the thing looks like. She tells me that I should just get it checked out to be on the safe side. Next, I call the Turtle Lake clinic in town, to see if I can get in there, since its only two miles away. The receptionist informs me that there is only one Physician in and that they are booked. She then transfers me a medical assistant (which is what my sister is), who asks me to describe what the rash looks like. After doing so, she tells me she will relay the info to the Dr, and if he thinks its is quesionable and needs to see it, she will call me back. Meanwhile it is 11 a.m and I start thinking I should look for an alternative opinion.

So, I call the Cumberland Clinic (ten miles away). They are also booked solid. Reluctantly, I call back the Rice Lake clinic back and see if I can get in there with someone... anyone. Slight glimmer of hope with an opening in ten minutes, but I wouldn't make it unless I flew. Apparently, clinics are the place to be the day before the holiday...

Moving on to my last option. Urgent Care. I despise Urgent Care. Coughing, sneezing, bleeding, germy people all shoved in one room. Ugh. So, as I am driving to Urgent Care, in Rice Lake, I leave a message for my Nephrologist to call me back if he has any openings. I get checked into Urgent Care and am anxiously sitting there, trying not to get overly annoyed with the snotty kid and the gossipy receptionists. After reading yesterdays news and sitting there for 15 minutes, I check my phone. One new voicemail. Not caring if I am violating some cell phone hospital regulation, I do what any red blooded american would do. Listen to it. My luck finally changed and my nephrologist had an opening for me in an hr. Trying not to jump for joy, I sign my happy butt outta Urgent Care.

My Doc looks at me, and initially says its a fungal infection. This makes sense to me, since I have been exercising more than usual and have been working up a sweat (I know, I rock). Then he starts doing more diagnostic questioning and pauses and excuses himself. He comes back and decides that it actually could be shingles. It doesn't look like the typical shingles outbreak, but I am not the typical patient, either. So, he decides to do a culture (ouch), prescribe an antiviral medication, and warns me about the dangers of shingles and transplant patients. Lovely. Thanksgiving comes and goes, my rash gets worse and becomes more painful/itchy and shingle like. Friday, I get a phone call from my doctor (yes, he actually called me himself) and he tells me that although the culture results aren't back, he is pretty sure that I do have shingles (based on what I told him). This is confirmed with the results that come in on Monday.

So, back to the moral of this story? What would have happened, had I seen a Turtle Lake or Cumberland doctor? Someone who didn't know my history and just sent me off with a cream. Or, even if I had stayed at Urgent Care? I know it sounds off the wall, but the whole time I sat there, I felt uneasy. I just can't explain it. There is definitely a reason why I was able to see my nephrologist and no one else, why the medical assistant from Turtle Lake didn't call me back, why I had such a long wait in Urgent Care. If things hadn't happened how they did, I could have gone two full days longer without either being on an antiviral medication or seeing a doctor at all. I don't want to think about the havoc that could have wreaked on my fragile kidney. Don't get me wrong, I am still not in the clear with this, I have to get my kidney level checked next week to check for any damage. At least I know that I did everything possible to keep myself healthy though.

I will plan on going with my gut instinct from now on and I advise you to do the same.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Just a start

I've learned...

I can handle being alone.
Who my true friends are.
Everyone has a secret.
Boyscouts are the best salesmen.
My mother truly does know me best.
I am so loved.
No matter how much I fear it, aging is inevitable.
I will always be emotional.
My brother will never thank me for my wisdom.
The Chicago Cubs really might not win a world series in my lifetime.

Things I haven't....

The electric slide.
How to french braid.
All the words to the Lords Prayer.
How to stop offering my unwanted wisdom to my brother.
It's okay that not everyone wants to be my friend.
How to say goodbye.
The meaning of life.
A foreign language.
How to play poker.
What the best way to stop hiccups is.
Why I care so much.







Just a start...

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Scattegories, part two.

Things I love that start with the letter B.

Blush
Buns
Bed
Books
Bubblegum
Bobby pins
Beaches
Body lotion
Bendy straws
Best friends
Blogging
Bona
Brothers
Bowling
Brownies
Babies
Breathing
Butter
Boardgames
Burgers
Boots
Blizzards (the ice cream type)
Baseball

Saturday, November 8, 2008

quick







Had a date with Courtney, just the two of us. It was lovely. We ate at Mogies and drank at the Red Room. We were home by 11.Considering we left at 6 pm, we lasted quite awhile, right? We spoke of sex and other girly things. All in all, it was great. I hope we can do it again, it was nice to get out of the house and gossip.

In sad news, I got the call yesterday (Friday) that my beloved Ivory was put to sleep. She was the most well behaved and sweetest dog that we ever had. I, naturally, cried when my mom told me, but it really hasn't hit me yet. Honestly, I am kinda reluctant to go back "home" to Turtle Lake, because I know then that her absence will hit me even more so. Sigh, I would go in more depth about my precious dog but I am so tired and am afraid that I won't paint her the way she deserves. Losing pets is such a bummer.

Don't take loved ones for granted... animals or otherwise.

P.S. Courtney and Tracy... feel free to blog via my blog anytime. :) Love you both!

Friday, October 31, 2008

Choppy

I'm in a funk. Lonely and self pitying. It has to stop.
Halloween. I had a great night with my nieces and nephews and the rest of the family.
However, the second I got in my car, by myself, I felt blah.
Perhaps, I shouldn't spend any time alone, I think too much.
I ate Portillo's today. This probably means nothing to the people who read my blog. If you are curious, google it.
I finally squeezed into jeans that haven't fit me in two years. Sure, they were a little snug, but they fit... and that made me happy.
It's my grandparents (Fred's mom and dad) 50th wedding anniversary party this weekend. It blows my mind. 50 years with the same person is amazing. If I want to have a shot at being married that long, I better get married tomorrow.
I'm a jealous person. I wish I wasn't, it's not something I am proud of.
I miss my dad. I wish I had an extra 300 dollars lying around so I could fly down to Florida to see him.
This blog is so unstructured and it really bothers me. But, it resembles my thoughts right now. Choppy and random.
I think everyone should keep a diary and write in it at least once a week. I retract that. Once a month. If I were to say once a week, that would be hypocritical.
Writing this pointless blog is keeping me from the unevitable. Thinking.

Goodnight.

Monday, October 20, 2008

Scattergories

Things I like that start with the letter "A"


Amazing grace
Art
Artisan bread
Apples to Apples
American Idol
Almena
Acoustic Cafe
Afghans
Andy Rooney
Allrecipes.com


Yeah, the letter A is horrible.
Don't take offense... Andrea or Amy, or any of you A named people for that matter.

Stay tuned for more stimulating blogs...

Thursday, October 9, 2008

I wrote a blog and then I deleted it.

Sunday, October 5, 2008

I knew this would happen.

Just disregard my previous post. Well, maybe not all of it. Last night I reached the point that I was afraid would come. I miss him. Or I think I miss him. I don't know the difference anymore. I knew that things were too good to be true. I knew that I was handling it all just a little too well. I hate that I sound like some high-school drama queen right now. This unsure feeling sucks. In the back of my mind, I hear the reasonable voice, telling me that its not him I miss, just the idea of him.
I just want to know, or maybe deep down I do and I just can't admit it. This is the first time that I have felt genuinely upset about us.

This is probably just an off day.







I babble sometimes.

Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Turn the page

After almost two and a half years of being in a serious relationship, I am now single. Single, and not looking, that is. I could go into a melodramatic rant right now about the whole situation, what went wrong, and who is to blame. But, we have enough of that on t.v now, don't we? Who am I kidding, I just don't want to rehash the past. Honestly, I really don't see any reason in looking back at this point. I want to live in the present and move forward. Now is the time to find out what I really want out of my life and to gain the confidence to accomplish it. I won't lie, I'm a little nervous. Maybe a little lonely too... However, I have faith that I will make it, afterall, I always do.

Monday, September 8, 2008

Creatinine

My levels went up. I am unhappy. Transplant center has been jerking around with my medication for the past two months and they finally succeeded in elevating my creatinine. So, now I have to get everything checked again in two weeks... if the levels don't come down, then I have to go to the U of M. Crap. The coast is never clear.

Thursday, August 14, 2008

Life dreams

I want to be an olympian. Is it too late? Is olympian supposed to be capitalized? So many questions... My dad once told me that I have a swimmers back. Not that it ever got me anywhere. Could it be that I fear water? Oh, and I have the height of a gymnast, not the weight... but that will come after time. So many attributes of an olympian... how did I not realize this true destiny of mine 20 years ago? Unfortunately, when I was 8, I wanted to be an opera singer.
Still working on that...


***** Ooh.. OLYMPIAN is supposed to be capitalized. I should have known. Such greatness demands CAPITALIZATION!

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

What dreams may come?

I don't know if my blog is the place to do it, but I need to start jotting down some of my dreams. I guess it's my blog and I can do whatever I please, right? Feel free to skip this blog.

First dream of the week: Riding in the car with two close friends, one not as close friend? Anyway, the "not as close" friend's father had just passed away and we were heading to the funeral together. Which was being held at the movie theatre. This dream is messed up on so many levels. The driver of the car is one of my close friends and she is being completely inconsiderate, stopping at random places, taking the longest route possible, ignoring my request for her to hurry, etc... My feeling in the dream is of complete awkwardness. I feel ticked at my driving friend for being such a jerk, I am anxious because we are going to be late for the funeral, and I am uncomfortable for my "not as close" friend in the front seat... who obviously didn't have a better ride to this unfortunate event. Where is the rest of her family? Remember the other "close" friend that is with us? She is just kind of in the background in this dream, which is strange cause she isn't normally that type of person in real life. This dream doesn't end at a funeral. No, somehow we end up at an abandoned warehouse that is loaded with chinese people who make me go through a strange obstacle course. Did I mention I was watching the olympics the night before... I wake up: wondering about my friend's dad.

Second dream: Ex-flame dream. Always the best, right? In the dream I am getting back together with him, happier than ever. I don't remember a single detail about this dream other than the person, the lovey-dovey feelings, and the fact that I have had this dream before. I wake up: depressed and hating the fact that I remember my dreams.

Third dream: This is another dream that is sketchy in its detail, but the plot is a familiar one in my dream. The jist of it is that I have conversations with Mark's ex-girlfriend and that we become close friends. I wake up: feeling relaxed, hopeful, and ambitious.

I think the first dream has much more detail because it is an unfamiliar plot for me. So, it was the most mysterious and interesting to for me to "tell".
I would love to be an expert on dream interpretation. Perhaps an expert will find my blog.... That would be lovely.

Friday, August 1, 2008

Never give up?

There are some things that we learn in life to never give up on. To never stop trying. When we were kids our parents told us that anything was possible if we set our mind to it. I have kept this mindset well into my adult life. Oh, I have had my issues remembering that I have that mindset... but it is always in the back of my mind. Kind of like my little motivational mantra to get me back on track.
Unfortunately, I have found that there are some things that no matter how hard you try, you will not achieve. As a matter of fact, sometimes the more you try, the less likely some things will happen. I mentioned in a different blog about how there will be people who don't like me, and I need to accept that. But, still, the inner twelve year old in me still exists. I am a pathetic Meredith Grey, standing in the elevator, constantly shouting "pick me,choose me, love me". Why do I constantly question whether or not certain people like me? Why do I waste my time? Why do I even care? Deep down, I know that I cannot make everyone adore me. Yet, I never stop trying...

Friday, July 25, 2008

This is better than sleep

My blog isn't set to private, yet. I really am wondering if I should change the privacy settings. So far I have had a whopping 66 views of it and really 52 views are probably from myself. Still, I really have to wonder about the other 14. I wish there was a way to see exactly who was reading my blog. If I was so technologically inclined, I would make it a rule that you had to sign in BEFORE you read my blog. Wouldn't that be slick? Oh, wait, they probably have that option. I just don't know how the hell to access it. Anyway, the privacy thing is something I will ponder for awhile.
Currently I am back in TL for awhile. I have an anniversary party to attend (which has ingredients for extreme drama, let me tell you...) and I have dog sitting duties for a week at the Ingham's (Mark's rents). So, this could only mean one thing... I AM FLIPPIN' DONE WITH ADVANCED A&P! Yes, that's right. The pain is over. Overall grade? 85 percent, solid B. I'll take it. If I had money, I would celebrate.
If I had a party favor thingie, I would blow it. If I had a horn, I would toot it. You get the drift. I just wanted to let all you friends and strangers alike, that I am finally breathing normally now. I will try to write more blogs now. I am already envisioning a "Dog sitting with Labs" one that will have everyone on the edge of their seats.
To my four friends who have commented on my blog, thanks. It means the world to me that you take the time to read about "my little world"

Sunday, June 8, 2008

never easy

I know people don't intend for their personal lives to spill over into my world.
But they do. It's hard to describe what it's like trying to console a 55 year old man whose wife has left him. Especially when his wife could someday be your mother-in-law. Obviously it hasn't left me unaffected.

My financial struggles are slowly creeping right up there with the sanity struggles. I'm not destitute. Yet. My bills are paid, on time. Yet, right now, I feel like I am being punished for trying to succeed. I can't comprehend the logic behind my situation. It seems the moment I make a serious attempt at digging my self out of medical bill hell, someone tells me I've come too far and need to take three steps back. Either I prove that I owe someone hundreds to thousands of dollars or I will have to come up with hundreds of dollars each month to pay for medication that I need to live. Lovely. Will someone please show me the method to this madness?

I really loved the last two semesters of school. I was beyond proud of what I was doing with my life. That was before summer school. That was before I decided to take Advanced Anatomy & Physiology in a 8wk time period instead of 16. Sigh, maybe it's just the 1st week jitters that have me in panic mode. More realistically? It could be the weekly tests. Or perhaps the physiology jargon that I am scared to death of? Either way, I am second guessing this latest venture of mine.

I haven't seen my boyfriend for more than an hour in almost a week. Between his moving, settling, and working and my time consuming class... its been rough.

I have been trying to stay positive, but am afraid that situations are getting the best of me. When I look in the mirror I am not recognizing my reflection. I look tired. Old. I don't know if I am trying to accomplish too much or If my sanity needs to be tweaked. Possibly both.

Monday, June 2, 2008

lately

What I have been doing lately...


Falling down stairs
Smashing extremities
Starting summer class
Eating angel food cake
Cleaning
Walking to D.Q.
Cursing gas prices
Drinking cranberry white merlot
Staying up too late with Courtney
Listening to junebugs
Saying goodbye to old roomates
Trying to cook low cholesterol meals
Missing friends
Giving free therapy
Being lazy
Reading random cooking blogs
Dreaming of wood ticks, evil cats, bunnies, and having babies


What I have not been doing lately...


Stopping and smelling the roses
Practicing patience
Buying powerball tickets
Running
Crying
Praying
Giving enough
Wearing sunscreen


I'm not perfect. I never will be. However, there is always room for improvement.

Friday, April 25, 2008

I'm a million different people from one day to the next...

I keep wondering when I'm going to feel like a "real" adult. When does the switch flip? Is it after you get married? Have a career? Have kids? None of which I have yet experienced. Is that why, when visiting my married friends, I miss out on the "adult" conversations? I strive to get away from the goofy persona that has followed me my whole life. It's nice to be the eccentric, fun, wisecracking friend every once in awhile. However, I wish it didn't define me. The people I call my best friends, that are in my own age group, don't come to me for life advice. That is what I long for. To be the friend that is wise, who understands life. I would like to be the adult friend for once. I have bills, I have responsibility, I have struggled with things that some couldn't even imagine. Yet, inside I still feel 12 years old. Awkward. I should feel comfortable around people my own age, right?

Thursday, February 28, 2008

Mending...

Ahh, the joys of vicodin. I've been sick for the past 5 days or so and finally decided that it was more than the average crappy cold. So, after a trip to Urgent Care, I came home with antiobiotics for my ear and sinus infection, and vicodin for my throbbing head. I feel 50% better already.

Took my dreaded lab practical today and had a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. Trying to study 30 muscles, over a hundred bones, and skin tissue isn't the easiest when your head is near explosion and your body is begging for rest. I got an 82% on it, which I am almost ecstatic about. Not my best test grade by far, but considering the class average was 60%.... I'm pretty dang happy. Now I can focus on the three tests I have next week.

Hoping to see my lovely friends this Saturday if all my other "plans" cooperate. I definitely need some relaxing/baby/kidlet time. If all goes accordingly then I should be heading up to TL for the bro's bday dinner on Sunday,cooked by Chef Gail.

Ahh... I hear laundry and online tests calling my name...

Friday, February 22, 2008

Don't talk to me, unless you want to hear what I have to say back.

I can't make everyone like me. But it doesn't change the fact that it sucks when you find out that someone doesn't.
I can't stand leaving anyone on bad terms, yet I do it. I can't stand others leaving me on bad terms, yet they do it as well.
I search for understanding so I can be a better person. I'm not psychic, I don't have all the answers. I can't help you if you don't let me.
This blog sucks. I'm upset though, so that's what you get.

Saturday, February 2, 2008

The Plague

Everyone around me has it. Living with someone who has a sore throat means the inevitable is to happen, right? It hasn't. Yet. Instead she passed it on to her beloved. Strangely, my beloved has it as well. Currently he is lying in his bed, hopefully sleeping away his sore throat, cough and headache. I'm struggling to understand how I, the person on immunosuppressants hasn't fallen ill yet. I know I am probably jinxing myself right now even talking about it. Mark (the non-sick roomie) and I inappropriately made a toast to the fact that we were healthy. The odds are definitely not in my favor. Boasting and then toasting? Not a good way to keep the Gods of Good Health on your side. Be on the look out for a "told you so" blog the second I feel the slightest scratch in my throat. I know my future holds illness for me.

Monday I start my fifth week of school. I have taken two tests, survived 4 labs, and made one new study buddy. I am enrolled in my first ever online class and surprisingly am doing "ok". However, I have a vision of my microbiology class kicking my butt. Seriously, you don't know what those microbes are capable of. More on that another time.
My social life is lacking. I need friends. Wait, I need friends in Eau Claire.
I'm considering putting an ad in the paper. Honestly, I really just want someone to go out to eat with. The two people that I am closest to here, Courtney and Mark, are some of the pickiest eaters on earth. No offense.
The grand superbowl is tomorrow. I, like every other red-blooded American, will be watching it.

Disclaimer?
I wrote this blog after drinking a very full glass of Blackberry Merlot. Don't judge me. Or my grammar. ( does anyone see irony in the last sentence?)
Goodnight.

Monday, January 21, 2008

Max


Mark's dad called today. They had to put my buddy Max to sleep. He had been up and down for awhile now. I guess I should have seen it coming, right? Of course not. I cried. Not for a long time, but in one short burst of emotion. It was as if a dam had been broken, my tears didn't have any other choice but to fall.

My bond with Max started mainly because I tend to side with the underdog. He shared a home with a younger, rambunctious, yellow lab named Rockie. Max definitely was the "underdog". I would play the protector and stand in between the two dogs whenever I felt danger was eminent. Danger equals Rockie's tail and/or body. I probably would have built a shield to protect him if I could have.

I related to Max because I know what it's like to be the little guy. The one that isn't quite as strong as everyone else. The one that has to rely on humor and silly antics to get noticed. Do I sound like a crazy? Comparing myself to a dog? Perhaps. But...


I think losing something or someone close to you would make just about anyone a little crazy.

Saturday, January 19, 2008

Politics

Mike Huckabee.
He's my choice for today.
I have the right to change my mind tomorrow.

Thursday, January 17, 2008

Simply Amazing

Everything happens for a reason. So overdone. Yet so true.

Met Chad yesterday, officially. Last semester, while talking to some chem buddies in the hallway, some strange guy decided to interject his two cents in our conversation. Not rude, but just strange. I remember wondering if he was slow, he talked louder than necessary, and was a little difficult to understand. The exchange lasted a total of five minutes, if that.

Fast foward to yesterday. While sitting in the hall waiting for class to begin, this same strange guy from last semester approached me and said he remembered talking to me back then. After chatting for fifteen minutes with him, I was beyond inspired.

When he was a senior in high school he suffered a major brain injury after crashing his four wheeler. He wasn't wearing a helmet. After coming out of his coma and intense therapy, he ended up graduating with his senior classmates. He attended CVTC and received an associates degree, got a job that he wasn't passionate about, and now is back in school for the PTA program. Simply amazing. I can't even begin to imagine what he had to endure to get to where he is now.
When caught up in the whirlwhind of stress, I plan on thinking of Chad and all that he has overcome.

I do believe that I met Chad for a reason.

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Generic, first blog.

First blog. I needed a place to write my thoughts, hoping this is more cathartic than anything. Second semester of school started, oh joy. It's ironic how I avoided science classes in high school and now science is pretty much my major. To say this ride is a challenge, is an understatement.
I plan to write more blogs when I become more "settled" in the blog world. Farewell for now.