Some people try too hard. Others don't try hard enough.

Transitions are hard. Even so many years ago, in English class, I struggled. Metaphorical foreshadowing, perhaps?

I have difficulty with the grey lately. For some reason I have only been able to see things in black and white. I don't know if it is an age thing or maybe I have just become some self righteous bitch. Either way, I have zero tolerance for bullshit. Unfortunately, I have been dealt a lot of bullshit lately and it is a tad insulting that people actually think that I am buying it.

Starting to learn...

Quality over Quantity.

Also

"Add it to the list" has become my catchphrase as of late.
If you know me well, you know it's not a exactly a positive one.
If you know me well, I've been saying it daily.

Never stop learning.

I'm learning more now, at 33 years old, than I ever thought possible.
I honestly thought I was done with the big stuff by now.
Pretty naive, huh?

Insanity

You find out who your friends are..

Closure

The door was closed, now it is locked.

Be more. Do more. Want less. Need less. Move forward not backward.

Appreciate. 

Breathe. 

Wicked

I should have gone with my teenager instincts. When I was thirteen, it was nearly impossible to coexist. Conflicts arose on a daily basis. His communication consisted of yelling incessantly. My constant rebellion, his amateur role; it was a match made in hell. An endless, exhausting power struggle that, on the bright side, always ended in an apology.

Usually his, not mine. During his drawn out awkward speech, I would glare, guilt, secretly gloat, and then eventually concede.It was never really about me anyway.

As years passed, the fights lessened into pointless debates, we both matured and actually grew to hold a mutual respect for each other. Respect turned to admiration, admiration turned into love. Stability. Finally.

Things change.

He is currently absent, both physically and emotionally. For the first time in my life, I have not received the textbook apology that I have grown to wait for. None of us have. And I don't plan on waiting forever.

Abandoned, unworthy, betrayed, forgotten, stupid, and really pissed. I feel all of these things, not just for myself, but for every single one of the precious people who trusted him. He has knocked us all down, like dominoes, with one swift selfish movement.

Bring

Xanax.

Please share.

Thanks,

Overwhelmed.

Sometimes you just need to cry it out.

Nobody likes you when you're 33.

Most days, I love my life. My future husband is my best friend, who puts up with my psychosis on a weekly basis, loves without hesitation, and has a smile that lights up a room and my dark side. I've said it before and I will say it again. The man is my rock. I have a job that constantly challenges me, puts food on the table, and comes with the best co-workers a girl could ask for. My family is nosy, loud, dramatic, hypersensitive, and full of love. Without them, I do not exist.

I am sitting here on this worn out couch,  away from the cold, away from evil, rereading how good I have it and I know that I am blessed. Selfish as it sounds, something is missing. 

As I said, most days I love my life. Growing up, I've always had an abundance of friends. Lifelong friends that are now family, school friends that bring me back, and special friends that have entered my life unexpectedly along this journey of mine.  I do cherish them all for different reasons. 

That being said, I am at a place in my life that is not parallel with the female friends that are in close proximity of where I live. I am struggling connecting with girlfriends more than ever. Not only has this caught me completely off guard, but it has affected my overall happiness. 

At age 33? Really? Shouldn't this be getting easier? 

"Sprinter"

Aging gracefully has always been a goal of mine. I'm not sure if I am succeeding.

Unfortunately, I am realizing that I don't have much of a say in the whole process.  

My Rock.

Reason #317 why I love Josh:

He enthusiastically dances along with my off-key singing. 

Sometimes I wish I wasn't so bitchy.





Sometimes.

from the mouths of men

Josh: You should do the Polar Plunge.
Me: Umm. No. Are you doing the Polar Plunge?
Josh: Yep, it's for a good cause. You should do it.
Me: Oh yeah, what's the cause?
Josh: Uhhh, it supports Transplant Research....






He knows me too well.

After one of my usual blogging absences, I come to you with this:

I just spent my whole day off battling a stomach bug, watching Netflix and updating my address on bills. 

Oh, and then there is that whole getting married thing.  More on that later. No, really, I promise. 

It's a happy story that can't be tainted by toilet talk.