Sunday, June 8, 2008

never easy

I know people don't intend for their personal lives to spill over into my world.
But they do. It's hard to describe what it's like trying to console a 55 year old man whose wife has left him. Especially when his wife could someday be your mother-in-law. Obviously it hasn't left me unaffected.

My financial struggles are slowly creeping right up there with the sanity struggles. I'm not destitute. Yet. My bills are paid, on time. Yet, right now, I feel like I am being punished for trying to succeed. I can't comprehend the logic behind my situation. It seems the moment I make a serious attempt at digging my self out of medical bill hell, someone tells me I've come too far and need to take three steps back. Either I prove that I owe someone hundreds to thousands of dollars or I will have to come up with hundreds of dollars each month to pay for medication that I need to live. Lovely. Will someone please show me the method to this madness?

I really loved the last two semesters of school. I was beyond proud of what I was doing with my life. That was before summer school. That was before I decided to take Advanced Anatomy & Physiology in a 8wk time period instead of 16. Sigh, maybe it's just the 1st week jitters that have me in panic mode. More realistically? It could be the weekly tests. Or perhaps the physiology jargon that I am scared to death of? Either way, I am second guessing this latest venture of mine.

I haven't seen my boyfriend for more than an hour in almost a week. Between his moving, settling, and working and my time consuming class... its been rough.

I have been trying to stay positive, but am afraid that situations are getting the best of me. When I look in the mirror I am not recognizing my reflection. I look tired. Old. I don't know if I am trying to accomplish too much or If my sanity needs to be tweaked. Possibly both.

Monday, June 2, 2008

lately

What I have been doing lately...


Falling down stairs
Smashing extremities
Starting summer class
Eating angel food cake
Cleaning
Walking to D.Q.
Cursing gas prices
Drinking cranberry white merlot
Staying up too late with Courtney
Listening to junebugs
Saying goodbye to old roomates
Trying to cook low cholesterol meals
Missing friends
Giving free therapy
Being lazy
Reading random cooking blogs
Dreaming of wood ticks, evil cats, bunnies, and having babies


What I have not been doing lately...


Stopping and smelling the roses
Practicing patience
Buying powerball tickets
Running
Crying
Praying
Giving enough
Wearing sunscreen


I'm not perfect. I never will be. However, there is always room for improvement.