The maze in my mind never ends...

I just read my random goal for the day, that is listed here on my own blog. I should remind myself of this goal on an hourly basis as it is one of my biggest personal flaws. *listed later in blog

As of late, I have been walking the fine line of being completely content and falling apart at the seams.  Unfortunately, the past few days have been teetering toward the latter.  In the beginning of April, I ended a five year relationship with one of my best friends, Mark. This decision has left me with immediate repercussions, self doubt, relief, freedom and guilt. However, the tell-tale sign that I made the right decision, is the absence of regret.  I know now that I cannot and will not look back. The "should haves", the "what ifs", and the "maybes" are not lingering in my mind. Instead, fears are affecting my suddenly single, 31 year old psyche.  One cannot prepare for the irrational thoughts that flood in...  gaining 100 lbs now that my extra time has led me straight to an all you can eat ice cream diet, becoming a schizophrenic cat lady whose only wardrobe consists of flannel nightgowns, and of course the ever popular, dying alone... just to name a few. 

My recent emotional roller coaster ride is not to be completely blamed on the fact that I closed the door on one major part of my life, but the fact that I have also closed doors and opened doors in other areas as well. Both, metaphorically and figuratively.  After almost 4 yrs of being a resident in the Third Ward, I have moved on to greener (hopefully!) pastures. Don't get me wrong, it wasn't always sunshine and rainbows at Gilbert Ave, but it was home.   The new residence houses only one roommate, dogs, and a random football player crashing on the couch.  Life will not be dull.

I cannot promise that I will get over this bump in my emotional state of mind immediately, but I will look forward and know that the possibilities are endless. I will keep in mind that being true to myself is the most important key to MY happiness and to not let others have control of my emotions ( random goal).
I desire to be passionate in my relationship(s), love without holding back, speak without censorship and laugh. Laughter is good.


If life is just a game, with no purpose, I do not want to participate.