Be more. Do more. Want less. Need less. Move forward not backward.

Appreciate. 

Breathe. 

Wicked

I should have gone with my teenager instincts. When I was thirteen, it was nearly impossible to coexist. Conflicts arose on a daily basis. His communication consisted of yelling incessantly. My constant rebellion, his amateur role; it was a match made in hell. An endless, exhausting power struggle that, on the bright side, always ended in an apology.

Usually his, not mine. During his drawn out awkward speech, I would glare, guilt, secretly gloat, and then eventually concede.It was never really about me anyway.

As years passed, the fights lessened into pointless debates, we both matured and actually grew to hold a mutual respect for each other. Respect turned to admiration, admiration turned into love. Stability. Finally.

Things change.

He is currently absent, both physically and emotionally. For the first time in my life, I have not received the textbook apology that I have grown to wait for. None of us have. And I don't plan on waiting forever.

Abandoned, unworthy, betrayed, forgotten, stupid, and really pissed. I feel all of these things, not just for myself, but for every single one of the precious people who trusted him. He has knocked us all down, like dominoes, with one swift selfish movement.

Bring

Xanax.

Please share.

Thanks,

Overwhelmed.

Sometimes you just need to cry it out.

Nobody likes you when you're 33.

Most days, I love my life. My future husband is my best friend, who puts up with my psychosis on a weekly basis, loves without hesitation, and has a smile that lights up a room and my dark side. I've said it before and I will say it again. The man is my rock. I have a job that constantly challenges me, puts food on the table, and comes with the best co-workers a girl could ask for. My family is nosy, loud, dramatic, hypersensitive, and full of love. Without them, I do not exist.

I am sitting here on this worn out couch,  away from the cold, away from evil, rereading how good I have it and I know that I am blessed. Selfish as it sounds, something is missing. 

As I said, most days I love my life. Growing up, I've always had an abundance of friends. Lifelong friends that are now family, school friends that bring me back, and special friends that have entered my life unexpectedly along this journey of mine.  I do cherish them all for different reasons. 

That being said, I am at a place in my life that is not parallel with the female friends that are in close proximity of where I live. I am struggling connecting with girlfriends more than ever. Not only has this caught me completely off guard, but it has affected my overall happiness. 

At age 33? Really? Shouldn't this be getting easier? 

"Sprinter"

Aging gracefully has always been a goal of mine. I'm not sure if I am succeeding.

Unfortunately, I am realizing that I don't have much of a say in the whole process.